


Never got to say 'I love you'

by decievedead



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hajime Hinata - Freeform, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito's Luck Cycle, Komahina - Freeform, M/M, Nagito Komaeda - Freeform, Sick Komaeda Nagito, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, Triggers, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:42:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28149294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decievedead/pseuds/decievedead
Summary: Once he reached Nagito's room, he took no time swinging the door open. He wanted to see Nagito sitting in his bed, he wanted him to welcome him and tell him everything was okay, but what he wanted was nothing like what he was greeted with.He looked down.And that was when he saw it.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 4
Kudos: 144





	Never got to say 'I love you'

**Author's Note:**

> Hii! This fic involves subjects some may find triggering such as suicide and terminal illness, if that isn't for you then don't read this!!

The birds sang their usual morning song outside, the sun coming up painfully slower than usual. For some reason, to Nagito, a second had begun to feel like a year. Each passing minute was another minute filled with dread and agony, the uncertainty of what could happen washing over him. He layed there in his hospital bed, his gloomy eyes locked onto the window where the leaves would fly past carried by the breeze, where the sun shined its rays brightly, where life almost seemed hopeful. Hah, Hope. It was almost funny how hed dedicated majority of his miserable life to it, and this was where he ended up. He'd expected it really, with how well things had been going for someone like him. For example him and Hinata had grown what others may consider uncomfortably close, all thanks to a drinking game that went a bit too far, Ibuki being the one who had decided it must happen. They would spend every day together - for some made up reason neither of them would admit was a lie, and each second of it felt like heaven.  
The first time they kissed was one of Komaedas clearest memories, both so confused, both so unsure. Sat on the beach as the sun rose after an entire night of talking about whatevcer nonsense came to mind, until suddenly hinata got closer, and closer, and closer.. Nagito could remember how terrified he was, and had almost backed away at the last moment, but for once he acted without fearing the consequences, and closed the gap between them. His lips were so soft, every detail still fresh in his mind. The way they perfectly met his, the way they melted into one another like he'd wanted them to for so long, in that moment he had felt like hope was finally within his grasp. Memories such as these were ones he never wanted to leave behind, no matter what awaited him after this cruel world. They were one of the few reasons he wanted to live, which was quite ironic really, considering how a few months ago he would jump at the slightest opportunity to die in the name of hope. 

Unsure of how much time had passed whilst he was stuck in his daydream, Komaeda turned himself to face the alarm clock sat beside his bed, it was 7am. He sighed, knowing full well Hinata would be here within the next thirty minutes. No matter how hard he tried to push him away (literally, he tried once - it didnt end well), he just wouldn't take the hint. Going on about how 'He didnt care how his luck affected him', which Nagito thought was just stupid really. Not caring about luck? He couldnt relate, it was his bittersweet luck that had bought him to this unloving hospital bed of his. The luck he had been cursed with for his entire life, and the luck that was going end his life before he could have the one thing he'd always wanted - To be loved. He'd often sit and ponder if what him and Hinata had was love, but the self loathing thoughts would always dig their way inside his quickly detiorating brain. No one could love him, if they did it would bring utter despair to all around them.  
Before his thoughts could consume him yet again, a loud knock echoed through the room. Hinata maybe? The door creaked open slowly, and sure enough the figure he knew so well stepped inside. He looked like death, almost as bad as he was himself, komaeda noted. His hair was a complete mess, his short brown locks sticking out all over the place. Even his shirt was all creased up and had a few stains which looked like coffee? Had he not washed it since last time?

"Good morning Nagito.." He smiled softly, placing his belongings on a nearby chair. 

"Hey.." He managed to get out, his lungs contuining to give up on him each waking hour. It hurt to speak at this point, as if nails were being dragged across his throat, but if it meant he could spend his final days speaking to Hinata, well then he'd simply keep that to himself.

"Uhh, did you sleep any better this time?"  
Nagito scoffed, such a stupid question really. He hadnt slept at all, he was surprised anyone even belived him when he said he did. If he slept, knowing his luck he would slip away forever.

"Not really.." There was no point in lying anymore, he was going to die either way, and he wanted more than anything to slow it down. "To tell the truth, I havent been sleeping at all, haha." A look of deep concern had sprung itself onto Hinatas face, a look of despair. Nagito knew his honesty would hurt him, but isn't it better to live with the dreadful truth than a pretty lie which would soon go down the drain anyway?

"Thats- Thats really not good.." He sat down on the bed besides Nagito, placing his hand over his. Nagito noticed himself flinch at the touch, the boy was so warm compared to his ice cold self.

"Ah- I'm sorry Hinata, your touch is just so warm.. I miss it throughout the night.."  
Hinata blushed, he'd offered to stay with nagito many times, but it made sense as to why he declined now, if he hadnt been sleeping. "It's okay. I can start staying overnight if you'd like that.. I know you've declined all the other times, but i really-" He was interuppted when Nagito removed his hand from beneath hinatas and placed a finger to his lips.  
"Please, that would be perfect. Thank you."

"O-Of course." After that, silence filled the room. No words had to be spoken, it was obvious what both of them were feeling. Nagito was going to die, it was just a matter of counting down the days.  
A few minutes went by, a few glances here and there, before Hinata decided to speak up. 

"So um, the nurse said you're allowed atleast an hour out of hospital today.."

"Oh yeah? Sounds hopeful huh?" Deep down he knew this was out of pity, this was because it would be one of the last times he would get to see the outside world, but if it made hinata happy he could put on a brave face, he was used to doing that. "Where should we go? I mean- that's if you intend on joining me, you don't have to"

"Komaeda, of course im going to come with you, if you'll let me" He smiled again, the same smile he always did when he was worried about something, ergo the smile that practically lived on his face. All Nagito wanted to do was pretend this was a nightmare, but he was constantly reminded of his cruel fate by everyone around him - whether they meant to or not.

"I'm not so sure now.. It's probably best I just go alone. Or not at all for that matter, knowing my luck it would just go wrong"

"Knowing your luck? I don't-"

"Yeah, that's why im here right now. My luck caught up to me and screwed me over like the trash I am!" He yelled, he could feel himself loosing it, the built up fear of dying becoming too much to handle alone. His sudden outburst had startled Hinata a lot, his eyes were wide open, his lips shaking a little. Had he scared him? He sighed, looking down to his lap. "I- I'm sorry, haha.. I think you should probably go before-"

He was cut off when he felt two hands tilt his head upwards. Then a pair of soft, warm lips againts his own, dry and chapped. At first, he froze in complete shock, but when Hinata signaled for him to kiss back, he let himself get sucked into it. Closing his eyes, he moved his hands and gently placed them on the other boys shoulders, pulling him in closer. He was kissing Hinata, for now the second time. It felt just as good as the first, however the difference this time was Komaeda was attached to several different machienes, and he was dying. It made the moment all the more special, but also all the more tragic. Their touch on one another was so desperate, so needing, like this was the only chance they were going to get to have eachother fully. However once Hinata had realised things were getting a bit too heated, he broke the kiss off. No matter how much he wanted this, he cared too much for the fragile white haired boy below him. As they both caught their breath back, realisation of what had just happened hit like a truck, and soon enough Komaeda had become a blushing mess.

"I'm- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.. Not with you being unwell and all.." He looked down, his hair falling in front of his sorrowful eyes. Nagito sighed as deep as he could, turning his view away from Hinata. He hated that this moment had to now become a reminder of his illness. 

"You didn't have to stop, you know. I may be useless trash, but I'm not that trashy that i'd die from that kinda thing.." He chuckled to himself a little, which was really just a disguise of how gross and unwanted he felt. "..I'm disgusting aren't i? That's why you stopped? I get it believe me, I can't stand to see myself in the mirror anymore, I'm simply a shell thats waiting to be washed away to the pits of despair.."

"What?! Nagito, that's not true at all. I'm trying to make sure you have as long left as you can here, and I won't let anything get in the way of that!"

"I'm gonna die anyway, aren't I? Why prolong something inevitible? Pretending to care for me like this doesn't suit you at all, Hinata."

"I-"

It was then that he lost it, he stood up from besides Komaeda, angrily grabbing his things as he walked out of the room, shooting one last hurt look at Nagito before the door slammed. It echoed, then there was nothing but the dreadful silence Komaeda had gotten so used to. Once again, he was alone like he always had been. Once again, he'd pushed someone he loved away. And of course it had to be Hinata. He flung himself backwards onto the bed, tears began to prick his eyes, battling for release, his entire world feeling like it was crashing down all in one - he was the victim trapped beneath the rubble. He was so tired of it all, the constant medication, the constant agony, all of it. Tears were streaming down his face as he tugged at his hair, sitting back up and burying himself into his knees. He was practically screaming at this point, or atleast as best as he could with the state he was in. The next passing moments were a blur, his vision fading as everything around him began to move in slow motion, he didn't feel right. Well, not right wasn't the right word for it, he obviously wasn't 'right', but this was different. His chest began to tighten, breathing becoming more of an obstacle than before, his head starting to feel fainter than usual. He had to calm himself down.

He had to.

Or he'd loose everything.

Frantically glancing around the room, his eyes settled on a tub of his pain meds, and before he knew it, he was reaching over to grab the bottle. He wasn't thinking straight when he swallowed the first two, or the first three, or the first four. Before he knew it, the tub was empty. At first a wave of relief fell over him, he'd fixed the problem, he'd be fine now right? However it was at the realisation of what he'd actually just done he felt himself panic. What had he done? Eyes still clouded with tears, he attempted to get up from his bed. Attempted. His knees unable to hold his whithering body up, he collapsed heavily onto the ground, joints cracking. It was cold, so, so cold. He had to get help somehow, even if it took the final ounce of strength he had left. He began to crawl towards the door, hands gripping on the marble tiles beneath him, dragging himself along slowly. The pain in his chest grew stronger, his bones aching with every movement, his vision blurring. He was so close to the door, but simply not close enough.

His bony hand reached upwards, upwards to what he wasn't aware of, but it was something.

Something light?

Whatever it was, it was something, and he needed anything to relief him of this ongoing nightmare. He stretched his arm out as far as it could go, just enough for him to grasp the strange glowing orb in front of him. He was blinded by it's brightness, everything around him fading to white. What was this peaceful feeling? It was as if in a matter of seconds, every ounce of despair within him had been sucked out, finally letting him rest. It was as if he was in his own little bubble, floating away.

Far away.

Far away.

Far away.

Far. Away.

"I love you, Hinata.."

\----------

Hinata had left Nagito around 20 minutes ago, pacing around the hospital gardens alone with his thoughts. He felt stupid really, he should've been more understanding of what the sickly boy wanted, especially when he had such little time left. For him to let himself get so aggrivated over it, was simply embarassing. After a few more more minutes of contemplating, he typed out a message apologising and hit send. He knew Nagito had nothing better to do than sit on his phone, watching whatever he could find to pass the time, so he'd always reply in mere seconds. 

Today however, was different. 5 minutes and no response? He brushed it off at first, he may be asleep. He'd give it another 5.

5 more minutes went by. Something had to be wrong. The pit forming in Hinatas stomach was agreeing with him. He could feel something was off, really off.  
He began quickly walking back to the hospital entrance, breaking into a run halfway through, sprinting as fast as his legs could carry him. It could be a false alarm, it could be stupid of him to worry this much over nagito not replying, but it didn't feel that way. Oh It didn't feel that way at all.

Once he reached Nagito's room, he took no time swinging the door. He wanted to see Nagito sitting in his bed, he wanted him to welcome him and tell him everything was okay, but what he wanted was nothing to what he was greeted with.

He looked down.

And that was when he saw it.

Nagito was laying there on the ground, face down, body limp. One stretched out hand.

No.

No. No. No. No. No!

His eyes had to be fooling him. 

He dropped to the ground, shaking him violently.

"Nagito!! Nagito wake up!! Please don't- Please don't do this!" He spluttered out through tears.  
However he knew his pleas meant nothing in the hands of death. This was reality, this was the harsh truth of someone who was severly sick. This was what he always knew it would come to.

He was now choking on the tears falling from his face, screaming out the boys name, clutching his lifeless body in his arms. The unbearable pain he felt in his chest consuming him. He was gone.

Doctors had come rushing in, attempting to pull him away from the other boy. But he wasn't having it. He swatted every hand that touched him, he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't making the same mistake twice. He wasn't leaving him again.

Why? Why did he have to go like this? Why so soon? Why before he could say the words he longed to most?

The words he needed to say.

The words he needed him to know.

..  
"I love you, Komaeda.."

\--------

It was a few days later when Hajime was found by the police slumped against the wall in his room, an empty bottle of Vodka beside him, along with 3 tubs of Nagito's pain meds. His face was sunken, his body a light shade of blue, surrounded by a pungent smell.  
A note was beside him, a note that simply stated Nagito was waiting for him somewhere out there.  
And he had to join him.


End file.
